So the Detroit TIgers are 13 1/2 games out of first place. You're a loyal fan and tell yourself it will only take a nice winning streak to put the Tigers back in the hunt. But you're obviously very, very frustrated.
It's time for a reality test.
Dave Dombrowski
1. You’re Dave Dombrowksi
A. You’re looking for a good reliever
B. You’re hoping to find another first baseman who is batting under .150
C. You’re thinking about going to Haiti and becoming a missionary
D. You’re writing off the season to a bad crack habit and a nervous tick
E. You don't care any more and you're willing to tell Mike Ilitch the Little Caesars pizzas are pretty bland
2. You’re Mike Ilitch
A. You’re wishing Sadaam Hussein’s two sons were still alive to lord over the bullpen and mete out punishment
B. You’re looking into cryogenics to freeze your body and return in 20 years when the rebuilding is completed
C. You’re offering a Little Caesars franchise to any reliever who can shut down the other team in the late innings
3. You’re Brad Ausmus
Brad Ausmus
A. You’re hoping Tigers management blames the bullpen for the disastrous, downward spiral
B. You’re thinking a numbing, prescription drug will get you through the post-game press conferences
C. You’re thinking of paying off the replay umpires in New York to help out
D. You’ve got a plane ticket to Brazil in case the Tigers front office figures out you're to blame for the losses.
4. You’re a member of the bullpen
A. You hope fans confuse you with the other guy who let up 5 runs in the eighth inning the night before
B. You tell the coach you’ve got a stomach flu when it’s time to pitch in the 9th inning
C. You wear a Joe Nathan uniform and mask when they call you to pitch
5. You’re a Tigers fan
A. You find a new team to root for
B. You drink heavily during the games to mitigate the losses
C. You post hateful things about the Tigers on social media
D. You start thinking ahead to the Red Wings’ season
