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We agree with animal rights activists on lots of crusades, such as successful fights against elephants in circuses, orcas at Sea World and testing cosmetics on rabbits' eyes and skin.
But when they tilt into what seems like self-parody . . . well, that's when we get as irritated as some lab animals.
A fresh bit of silliness, in our view, comes Friday in a three-paragraph letter (below) to the Red Wings' top executive from the head of PETA.
Ingrid Newkirk urges the team to prohibit octopus-tossing at this weekend's last two games in Joe Louis Arena and to punish violators harshly.
"Octopuses are extraordinarily intelligent and self-aware," she writes to Christopher Ilitch, team president and CEO. "It's no more acceptable to kill them for a decades-old tradition than it is to harm any other living beings. Please, won't you prohibit fans from engaging in such insensitive acts?"
A scan of the correspondence is posted on social media by ESPN senior writer Craig Custance, a 1999 Michigan State University graduate who has been on the network's NHL beat since 2011.
The letter gets better (bold added):
We strongly urge you to prohibit [fans] from flinging these intelligent animals -- dead or alive -- onto the ice this weekend and to check attendees for concealed octopuses at the door.
Please levy a $5,000 fine against those who bring an octopus into the arena or are caught throwing one onto the ice. In addition, immediately eject them from the game and permanently ban them from all future Red Wings games.
Got that? She wants a National Hockey League team owner to come down hard on some of his most ardent customers and block them from ever buying a ticket again, those insensitive louts. Newkirk stops short of asking Ilitch to reverse climate change and end hunger.
Newkirk helpfully unrealistically suggests encouraging fans "to purchase and throw stuffed octopuses."
Considering the zealous promotion of "Farewell to the Joe" ceremonies, Ilitch is as likely to embrace the extreme request and stuffed toy idea as he'd be to firmly grasp a tossed creature of the order Octopoda.
Here's the unintentionally humorous plea:
