Back in kindergarten at Dewey Elementary School in Oak Park we used to have Show and Tell every morning. We would sit in a circle and the teacher, Mrs. Mallard, would go around to every student and ask: “Do you have anything to show or tell?”
If you didn’t have anything to show or tell, you simply said “pass.” I was extremely shy. I normally said “pass.” Instead, I listened to kids talk about the most mundane things. “We went out for dinner last night for fried chicken,” I remember one kid saying. Another kid showed her dresses from Hudson’s department store. I thought to myself, “big deal" and "who cares?”
There’s a reason for this story. It’s called Facebook. But let me go on before I explain.
One day I got sick of saying pass so I said “Yes, I have a joke.”
Then I proceeded to tell a joke: “What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?” I asked. “What?” the teacher said, feigning interest. “You’re too young to smoke.”
The class laughed. I thought, "very nice."
The next day, I wanted to tell another joke. I was on a roll. I didn’t have one, but I was determined to come up with one. I scanned the room thinking “What did the big desk say to the little desk?” Nope. “What did the big drinking fountain say to the little drinking fountain?" Nah.
Finally, it was my turn and the teacher asked if I had anything to show or tell, and I said, “Yes, I have another joke.”
“Let’s hear it,” she said. Now mind you, she did not like me. I’m not sure why. That being said, I proceeded to tell the joke: “What did the big flag say to the little flag?’
“What?’ the teacher said, playing along.
“You’re too young to wave,” I said. There was a pause, then Mrs. Mallard proceeded to scream at me: “Allan, if you don’t have anything to say, then don’t say it.” Ouch.
I was recounting this story the other to some friends when the light when on: Oh my gosh, I’m back at Show and Tell, but this time it’s called “Facebook," and yes, people are still sharing very mundane things with me.
Instead of some kid telling me about going out for fried chicken, I have some Facebook “friend” talking about the great dumplings they had a Polish restaurant or showing me an apple pie they baked or telling me about all the great family members who are over the house, or sharing the tidbit that their kid just got into grad school. I barely know some of these people. In fact, some I don't know at all. They are friends of friends or colleagues of former colleagues.
It makes me wonder what great need we have as humans to tell some people we barely know that we just had a great meal or our tummy aches or we're sitting on a lounge chair on a beach in sunny Los Angeles or Tel Aviv. Then I also want to kick myself for not taking Show and Tell to its next logical step and inventing Facebook.
Don’t get me wrong. There’s some great political discourse and ideas exchanged on Facebook. Heck, it's helped foment revolution abroad. But there are far too many who still talk of visits to fried chicken joints (OK, now it's probably some new Latin fusion restaurant that serves awesome mojitos).
Then again, I shouldn't be so judgmental. Truth be told, maybe the core of kindergarten remains in all of us.
I post jokes and "Seinfeld" or "Curb Your Enthusiasm" videos on Facebook. Not so far off from what I did at Show and Tell, though I’d like to think I’ve taken it up a notch.
In fact, just the other day I posted this:
There's a German, a French man and a Jew. The German says "I'm tired and I'm thirsty, I must have a beer." The French guy says "I'm tired an I'm thirsty I must have a glass of wine." The Jewish guy says "I'm tired and I'm thirsty, I must have diabetes."
Better than the flag joke, don't you think?
