The Pistons don't mean to be doing stand-up comedy, but they leave themselves as wide open as an unguarded centerr.
The Onion satirical news site drives through the hole and sinks one. Its headline with the photo above:
Pistons Lose To Elementary School Girls Team After Big Night From 4'9" Center
And that was before Friday night's 110-106 loss to the Orlando Magic at The Palace, where they're winless so far this 1-9 season.
The Onion is merciless:
Shauna Thompson led the Thirkell Elementary School girls basketball team to an authoritative 88-72 victory over Detroit.
The Pistons struggled all game long to answer the intimidating 84-pound fifth-grader, who forced her will upon the entire Detroit front court to the tune of 54 points, 27 rebounds and 14 blocked shots.
“Sometimes it’s simply a matter of having the best player on the court, and that’s exactly what that little girl was tonight,” Pistons coach Lawrence Frank told reporters after the game, adding that double teams made little difference against the aggressive, pony-tailed 10-year-old. “I tried to tell my guys to just keep their hands up, but she used those pointy elbows of hers to clear space and went up over the top of us on almost every play. Nothing you can do to stop that.”
The spoof rolls on like that for six more paragraphs, including a preview of challenges ahead for the sputtering team:
NBA analysts predict the team will struggle over the next week while traveling to play against a 65-plus YMCA league team from Columbus, OH, a wheelchair basketball team in Tampa Bay and the Toronto Raptors.
