WDIV's Paula Tutman, in what can only be described as a shameless attempt to localize this year's hottest outrage story, went full moral panic over Miley Cyrus behaving like a tacky pop star at an event for tacky pop stars.
"We'll show you what we can of last night's Miley Cyrus performance at the Video Music Awards," Tutman dutifully explains. "But without a permit to sell adult videos by the side of the freeway, we can't show it all."
Then Tutman's report goes on to show some of the most scandalous moments of Cyrus' whathaveyou, such as that whole rubbing a foam finger on her crotch thing. It's hard to know what they didn't air to spare the delicate sensibilities of WDIV's audience.
Incidentally, Tutman showed this footage, not at 9 PM on a basic cable known for racy content (as the VMAs originally aired), but during a 4 PM newscast on over-the-air local television.
She then sought comment from high school cheerleaders -- the voices of the children will show us the way! -- and a 98-year-old former Motown Records stylist who simply did not care for Miley Cyrus dancing with her "buttocks" instead of her feet.
Ed Sullivan would have filmed that performance strictly from the waist up, tell you what.
Anchor Ruth Spencer even gets into the act, saying the whole thing was "ghastly" because it will "live forever" on the internet. This being different from moral panic-inducing performances of yesteryear which simply disappeared into the ether, never to be discussed again. Mister, we could use a man like Jim Morrison again today.
If you're like me, and have spent the better part the last decade ignoring the spawn of Achy Breaky Heart Guy, you're probably wondering why this nonsense has been so oppressively unavoidable over the last 36 hours. The Onion, of all people, explains the situation perfectly.
The Onion: I don’t hesitate to call it stupid bullshit because we all know it’s stupid bullshit. We know it and you know it. We also know that you are probably dumb enough, or bored enough, or both, to click on the stupid bullshit anyway, and that you will continue to do so as long as we keep putting it in front of your big, idiot faces. You want to know how many more page views the Miley Cyrus thing got than our article on the wildfires ravaging Yosemite? Like 6 gazillion more.
That’s on you, not us.
Oh, and the top-traffic story on WDIV this morning? Paula Tutman's outrage report about Miley Cyrus. And even money says this post will crush our earlier one about the Medicaid expansion vote in page views. Nothing is better for business than a good old-fashioned manufactured controversy.
