From a distance, cubic zirconia appears untarnished, Hamburger Helper tastes like filet mignon, and light-hitting shortstops resemble Ernie Banks.
Anyone around in July of 1993 remembers the breathless anticipation that filled the warm, summer air. Parents reserved babysitters weeks in advance.
Teenagers devised schemes to be gained entrance. Every third commercial on television flashed its explosive title across the screen. Yes, I’m talking about Rising Sun.
You’d be hard-pressed to find a film that was more heavily hyped in its build-up. Wesley Snipes was hot as a pistol coming off White Men Can’t Jump and Passenger 57. Sean Connery’s Scottish accent was in its absolute prime. The story was based off of a bestselling novel by the legendary Michael Crichton. Everything shaped up perfectly; nothing but box office billions and Oscars galore. But then a funny thing happened.
Rising Sun Released
Rising Sun was released...and it stunk.
The plot was beyond confusing. The Connery-Snipes chemistry crackled with the intensity of a tuna sandwich. It was about 150 minutes too long (official running time was 125).
The point is this. From afar, before things crystalized and we saw the film in all of its flawed glory, we were happy. We reveled in the possibilities. We imagined only the best for the days and weeks to come. This flashback came to mind recently when the Detroit sports world caught Trade Fever.
There are few things that get a sports fan as juiced up as the news of a finalized trade.
“Who’d we get?” “Who’d we give up?” “Did they take Charlie Villanueva off our hands?”
The thoughts and opinions hit the airwaves in rapid-fire fashion, everyone eager to determine who bartered the best.
But initially, before any of the key figures even slip on a uniform, we are simply excited.
These new players have not let us down yet. They have not served up a game winning homer or bricked a last-minute free throw. Sometimes ignorance is bliss.
The Tigers Get New Players
The Tigers acquired a pair of brand spanking new baseball players this week. For all we’ve heard about these gentlemen in the last 72 hours, they are surely just making a pit stop in the Motor City before eventually finding a home in Cooperstown. Sometimes, with semi-anonymous additions such as these, most casual fans have never even heard
of the soon-to-be Tigers. It doesn’t prevent us from gulping down the Kool-Aid, however.
“Jose Veras might be slinging the pill for his 7th team in five years, but what does that matter? He’s six-foot-six!”
“José Iglesias hasn’t had an extra-base hit since the 4th of July and he’s supposed to be replacing one of our best hitters? Who cares?!? He’s six-foot-six!! (Actually 5’11”, but you get the point)
Joe Dumars Pulls Strings
Joe Dumars pulled a few strings of his own this week in exchanging Brandons with theMilwaukee Bucks; our Knight for their Jennings. By all accounts, it was a coup for the Pistons.
But again, our Facebook posts and radio show calls were teeming with joy. Nary a speck of constructive criticism to be found of the new point guard in town. There was an alibi for everything.
His unsightly shooting percentage? Simply a byproduct of playing with such unworthy teammates.
His questionable leadership and clashes with the head coach? Obviously just a great big misunderstanding.
His wildly dated hightop-fade haircut? I’m pretty sure Wisconsin doesn’t even have a Lady Jane’s, so give the guy a break.
We love trades because they are fresh. Fresh names, fresh faces, fresh starts. They allow us to forget about the illegally-inflated musculature of Jhonny Peralta, the string of losing seasons for the Pistons, and pretty much anything having to do with Luke Putkonen.
Eventually the games will be played and there’s a chance we’ll be snapped back to reality, as we were on that fateful night, July ’93, in Theater #2 at Americana West.
But for now? New players have arrived, and their scripts have yet to be written. We can only hope this story turns out differently.
The last thing Hollywood needs is another sequel.
Joey Yashinsky is a Detroit area free lance sports writer and contributor to Deadline Detroit.
