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City v. country, sophisticates v. squares, Eminem v. Machine Gun Kelly -- these are the oldest, easiest diss tracks in the world to write. So when Cadillac announced it was leaving its briefly established home in New York City to return to Metro Detroit, you knew New York-based Jalopnik was going to say something.
But to really rub it in, they called upon a local, Erin Marquis, who understands the nuances of the fact Cadillac is moving not to Detroit proper, but Warren. Ah, Warren -- city of light, city of magic. So whaddaya got?
...It’s time to paint Warren red! (Though you don’t really have to, the overwhelming white population of Macomb County voted for Trump in 2016 and was the linchpin to turning the usually solidly Blue state Red.) Be sure to hit up Tipsy McStaggers for a night of darts, drink specials and karaoke.
If you have a problem with your Cadillac five years from now, know that major decisions concerning your car were made in the same hometown as Tipsy McStaggers.
Not bad. We went to Tipsy McStaggers once. It's a night we'd rather forget.
There's more there, about coney islands, Burlington Coat Factory, that sort of thing, but not about the Somalia-level moonscapes that are Macomb roads, Andiamo's banquet facility (the wedding-reception venue of every Macomb bride's dreams) or Mayor Jim Fouts.
You make jokes about Warren and leave Fouts on the table? We don't know how you even do that.
